15 things only girls with big boobs understand

7 October 2015 by
First published: 31 July 2015

Having a D+ cup can be the best thing in the world, but sizeable assets are not always (or ever) exercise-conducive – here are 15 things only girls with big boobs understand when it comes to trying to keep in shape.


1 Running is hard.

This mode of exercise/transport was not designed for women with a D+ cup. The feeling of post-run boob-and-back-ache is something that you wouldn’t wish on your very worst enemy. Honestly. Well, maybe your very, very worst…


2 Yoga is a false friend.

Though by its nature, practicing yoga avoids the tonnes-of-weight-pulling-down-on-your-shoulder-muscles predicament of running; it’s far from the perfect solution for a well-endowed gym bunny. Hauling those fellas into an upper body twist requires some bad-ass technique, and they often get so much in your way that to twist at all is simply impossible. On the other hand – chest to knees you say? Namaste.


3 They get sweaty.

Under-boob perspiration is a condition that’s rarely spoken about – but happens. EVERY SINGLE TIME.


4 They chafe.

That thing where your arm rubs on your side boob when you run? Yep, that really is a thing.


5 You can’t wear a nice sports bra.

Sports bras that actually fit you are about as un-cute as you can get. With their four-hook fastenings and metre-wide straps, these industrial strength contraptions can limit (though not prevent) jiggling but I’m yet to find one that even attempts to look attractive.


6 Or nice tops.

Sweaty Betty? Forget about it.


7 And sometimes you need to double up.

Wearing two bras at a time is perfectly acceptable, if not essential.


8 No bra? No chance, mate.

Forgetting your sports bra is basically tantamount to forgetting your trainers. If you turn up at the gym sans sports bra you’re pretty much limited to Pilates.


9 Jumping is torture.

Star jumps. Enough said. Ditto: tuck jumps. Ditto: any kind of jumping whatsoever.


10 Chest presses aren’t an exercise.

‘How can you lower the bar to the middle of your chest when it’s already resting there?’


11 You don’t just feel the bounce.

Mirrors in gyms are bordering on the worst idea anyone has ever had. You are well aware of your boobs hitting you in the face – you can feel it. You don’t need to see it as well.


12 The treadmill is not your friend.

Particularly not if you are both ample-chested and short-legged. I have on more than one occasion inadvertently breast-punched the emergency stop button leaving me red faced and sore-boobed.


13 Nothing is designed for us.

Those little clips that clip your headphones to your top? Give me a break. One stride and the weight of your front has tugged the wire and pulled them clean out of your ears.


14 You have a fear of flashing

Finding exercise-safe swim-wear is one of the biggest challenges a curvy girl will face. Swimming costumes with no support are clearly not an option, but those with built in support make you look so busty that they’re not really appropriate for a leisure centre environment. Wearing a bikini leaves you constantly paranoid that you’ve popped out, and the only option that makes you feel remotely secure enough are halter necks. And don’t get me started on them #neckache.


15 ‘I weigh what now?’

Body fat percentage test results are just offensive.